Desire for a Life
by l0x0r
Summary: We all have our demons, some are better at hiding them than others. Kasumicentric, slightly dark.
1. Chapter 1

"It is very certain that the desire of life prolongs it."

-Lord Byron

* * *

Kasumi happily hummed to herself as she folded the final load of laundry for the night. As she was separating the clothing out into individual piles, she contently listened to the groans and creaks of the house as if it mimicked the residents and was settling in for a good nights sleep. As usual everyone else in the house had turned in a few hours ago, each finding temporary solace from their hectic lives in their dreams.

With her usual smile of contentment Kasumi finished folding the clothes and silently began to distribute them to their respective owners. Over the years she had practiced so many methods to remain unnoticed that now without a conscious effort she was perhaps even more stealthy than Genma. No she couldn't turn herself invisible, but even when someone saw her, they didn't usually notice her, and even on the rare occasion they did, they almost immediately forgot about her presence. If she ever gave it any thought, Kasumi probably would have been happy that her years of training had paid off. But she tried to avoid thinking about herself as much as possible.

Silently she opened doors and placed the appropriate clothing inside before just as quietly closing the door, the occupant never the wiser. First was her father, then Ranma and Genma, next was Akane, and lastly was Nabiki. Each one fast asleep in their respective futons or beds, quietly dreaming away, seeming innocent and peaceful as they slumbered. As usual the largest pile of clothing was the one for Nabiki, but it wasn't much larger than the piles for Ranma or Akane. Genma's was also large, but strangely made up of almost identical clothing. In contrast with the other piles, Soun's was anemic, but Kasumi's own was dwarfed by it.

After making the final deposit of the night, Kasumi returned to her room with her laundry. It only consisted of a single dress and three aprons. She had long ago discovered that if she wore the aprons as much as possible, then her outfits became much less dirty and they lasted longer. Thanks to this it had been a few years since the last time she had needed to purchase a new set of clothing.

Kasumi quickly put her clothes away, careful not to let the drawers on her dresser squeak lest they should cause someone else to wake up. She carefully maneuvered around the room, knowing exactly which parts of the floor groaned when stepped upon. She checked the alarm clock next to her bed, it was only 11:45 which was good since she needed to get to bed before midnight so that she would have enough sleep before she woke up to begin her day at 4:30. Fifteen minutes gave her just enough time to do the thing that she had discovered a few years ago to relieve her tension.

At first it had started out as something she would only do once or twice a month, condemning herself after every time for being wrong and disgusting. But no matter how much she chastised herself, she couldn't deny the pleasure that it brought. Eventually it had turned into a weekly affair, and now she found herself doing it almost every night.

Slowly so as to not make a sound, Kasumi quietly locked her bedroom door and disrobed until she was wearing only her bra and panties. She then sat down on the edge of her bed and reaching into her desk drawer, she pulled out a small wooden box. She had no fear that anyone would ever find the box much less what it contained since the very thought of entering Kasumi's room without permission much less go through her belongings was almost sacrilegious. Smiling wider in anticipation Kasumi opened the box and reaching inside took out perhaps her most favorite of possessions, a small razor blade.

Holding the razor in her right had, Kasumi turned her left arm so the part normally against her armpit was exposed. She made a mental note of the other older cuts already there and decided that after tonight she would have to change places again. It wouldn't do to have too many cuts in one place now would it.

Unconsciously licking her lips in anticipation, Kasumi slowly brought the razor down and pressed it into her arm. She closely watched as the razor dimpled her skin, then with a little more exertion, it pushed its way through. Kasumi almost moaned when she felt the little pinch that signified the cold blade cutting into her flesh, but she quickly clamped down on it in case it might disturb someone else.

Slowly, ever so slowly Kasumi pushed down on the blade and pulled it across her arm, watching the wave of soft skin run ahead of it and the small furrow follow the tip of the razor lost in the depths of her arm. As always it surprised Kasumi at just how little the razor cut actually hurt while she was cutting it, just a little pinch at the start and a slight pressure, then another tiny twinge as she pulled the razor out.

Setting the razor back in her box, Kasumi examined her new cut, at first it was practically invisible against her skin, but that would soon change. Taking two of her fingers, Kasumi stretched either side of the cut until the first drops of blood started to appear, the first was at the start, the other near the middle. Quickly after that, the furrow in her flesh quickly filled up with blood and it became another angry red line on her arm. Kasumi reveled in the feeling of pain as the blood began to accumulate and threaten to transform into drops.

Now it was time for Kasumi's favorite part of the exercise. Reaching back into her small box, Kasumi removed a bottle of rubbing alcohol and a cotton ball. After all it wouldn't be good if the cut got infected would it? The sharp pain the alcohol would bring was just a bonus.

Kasumi unscrewed the top of the bottle and holding the cotton ball against the opening quickly turned it upside down and let the alcohol soak into the cotton for a second before righting the bottle and setting it down on the top of her desk. She then turned back to her newest cut and noticed that a tiny drop of blood had run down her arm, leaving a thin trail of blood from her elbow back to the cut.

Slowly Kasumi took the alcohol soaked cotton and placing it on her arm, traced it along the trail left by the blood. The cool sensation that it left in its wake was almost as if a lover where trailing kisses along her arm. Arriving at the cut, Kasumi paused and took delight in the small denial of her pain, then ruthlessly and forcefully scrubbed at the wound with the alcohol.

The sensations of pain where instant and just as intense as she had hoped them to be. For the first time that day, Kasumi felt as if she where real, as if the world she lived in had purpose and meaning. As if she once again mattered. But all too soon the numbness that was a constant in her life took hold of her again and the pain in her arm was dulled. Sadly Kasumi tossed the bloody cotton ball into her trash basket next to a used panty liner that she used as camouflage. Sighing softly and rubbing her cut in the hopes that it would continue to ache, Kasumi put away her things and donned her nightgown. Making sure that her alarm clock (which used light instead of sound so that it didn't disturb other people) was set, Kasumi turned off her lights and prepared to enter into her normal dreamless sleep.

But as usual sleep was elusive and in the darkness, Kasumi's thoughts turned to the upcoming day. It would likely be as any other day, one in which she would continue in her Sisyphean life, overshadowed by people who where stronger and better than her, either physically or emotionally. Long ago she had discovered that trying to fight back against them was useless, it was just so much easier to do what they said and expected. As long as she was who they wanted her to be, then everything would be alright.

Life would be alright.

But as sleep finally took her to its dreamless depths, her last traitorous thought was, "But is such a life worth living?"

The Endish.

* * *

Author's Notes

While writing my other fic, I wanted to write something fun and lighthearted. Instead I wrote this.

I don't think I will continue this unless my muse dictates otherwise. Hopefully the next thing I write will be nice and fluffy with kittens. It would be a nice change.

By the way, I feel obligated to point out that damaging one's self is a serious matter and can be indicative of other problems. If you or someone you know is damaging themselves, then please seek help.


	2. Chapter 2

I do not own Ranma ½

"Violence among young people is an aspect of their desire to create. They don't know how to use their energy creatively so they do the opposite and destroy. "

Anthony Burgess

* * *

Kasumi quickly woke up and rolling over onto her side tapped her alarm clock moments before it had a chance to go off. She had awoken at roughly the same time for nearly a decade, her body had long ago become accustomed to certain times of the day, when it was supposed to wake, when it was supposed to eat, and when it was supposed to sleep. She could probably remove clocks from her life completely and yet still maintain the same schedule down to the second.

Kasumi sighed softly as she rolled completely out of bed and began to select the clothes she would wear that day from her small collection. The cut from last night was now merely a tiny dull ache, one that was sure to disappear before noon, Kasumi was already missing the presence of the pain. Already she began to feel the rest of the world quietly slipping away from her, either it or her becoming less real.

The previous night as usual she had not dreamed, or if she had, she did not remember any of them. It seemed a mere instant between when she had closed her eyes and when she had to open them again. Again as usual she felt almost as if she were even more tired than before she had gone to bed, but she knew that she would soon be able to brush that feeling aside and join it with the rest of the dull background feelings she experienced.

Donning her modest robe, Kasumi picked up her pile of clothes and oh so quietly made her way down to the bathroom. She placed her clothes on a small shelf placed there for just that reason, then after turning on the water to fill the furo she disrobed and placed her dirty clothes in the bin to wash later. She then sat down on the bathing stool and began to wash herself.

This was perhaps the time of the day that Kasumi enjoyed the best. It would be some time before any of the other residents of the house awoke, indeed it would be hours before most of the rest of the country awoke. Thus it was so quiet and peaceful that the only sounds that Kasumi could hear where rushing of water as the furo filled, and the occasional insect outside chirping. It was even too early for most of the birds to have fully awoken.

The silence was only one of the things that made Kasumi enjoy this time of day, one of the others was what she was experiencing right at that moment as she slowly worked the soap into her skin and then rinsed off with the shower head. Ever so slowly all the aches and pains she felt, all the exhaustion, everything that was bad, slowly faded into a deeper place within herself. It never fully went away, but when it was like this, she could easily ignore it, sometimes for days at a time. As long as she ignored it all, she could pretend that she was happy for the sake of the others.

Kasumi finished rinsing off the last of the soap, and then she closed her eyes and played the shower head over her a little longer, enjoying the spray. She kept the water on the lowest setting, insuring that it was ice cold, this always helped her wake up just a little, and after a while she had learned to enjoy the cold water.

Reluctantly however she opened her eyes and turned off the shower once the furo's water reached the appropriate height. Kasumi knew from years of experience just what sound the water made as it fell from the faucet to indicate that the furo was full. She reached over and quickly turned the knob shutting off the water. Immediately the room became silent save for the intermittent drip of water falling from the faucet and landing with a small splash in the water.

Kasumi could feel the heat radiating off the water in the furo, and was tempted to slip into the inviting water. However yesterday her father had requested a very specific breakfast, one that took slightly longer than normal to prepare. Kasumi knew that if she did take advantage of the furo, then she might accidentally spend too much time soaking, and thus deprive her family of a timely meal. She would never be so selfish as to allow that.

So Kasumi stood up and felt the still icy water that was resting on her, cascade down her body. She paid no attention to the mirror on the wall that revealed just how beautiful she was, instead she reached out to the clothing shelf and picking up a towel, began to briskly dry herself off. She then donned her clothes and slipping out of the bathroom, turned the sign on the door from occupied, to unoccupied. She then silently made her way to the kitchen and began to prepare breakfast. For the next few hours the only time that Kasumi pulled herself away from the kitchen, was to retrieve the morning paper and exchange a few pleasantries with the boy who delivered it.

Kasumi placed the paper at the head of the table where her father customarily sat, and then quickly made the morning tea, setting a cup next to the paper. A few moments later Kasumi heard the familiar creak on the boards above her head which signaled that her father had awoken. Shortly thereafter he made his appearance downstairs and taking his place at the table picked up the paper and began to drink the tea without acknowledging Kasumi's presence.

Of course she missed this omission, not only because it happened everyday, but also because she had already moved back into the kitchen. The rice cooker had just quietly dinged signaling that the rice was ready when Kasumi heard Akane's familiar tread on the stairs and out the door, on her way to her morning jog.

For the next few minutes the rest of the house was silent as the rest of the denizens continued to sleep, and her father continued to read the paper, occasionally refilling his glass from the teapot Kasumi had left on the table for just that purpose. Several minutes later Akane returned from her run and with a brief general good morning, she went on her way to the bathroom to clean herself off.

Just as she was finishing the last touches on breakfast, right before plating the food, Kasumi heard a loud crash from upstairs and some muted yelling through the floor. Immediately afterwards two blurs flew through the second story window and landed in the backyard. Kasumi took a few moments to watch Ranma and his father fight, but since many of their movements were too fast for her to accurately follow, and because the food was beginning to cool, she quickly turned back to her task.

Kasumi finished arranging the food on the plates, a huge breakfast which included both eastern and western dishes, and began to carry them to the table. It took her several trips, and by the time she had finished loading the table with food, Akane had finished her morning shower and had sat down at the table. As Akane and her father began to serve themselves, Kasumi walked to the back door and during a brief lull in the combat between father and son announced, "Ranma, Mr. Saotome, breakfast is ready."

The pair seemed to defy the laws of physics as they disengaged themselves from their fight and rushed past Kasumi to seat themselves at the table. With her customary smile in place, Kasumi idly noticed that while Mr. Saotome was currently a panda, Ranma had managed to avoid water up to that point and was still a male. This of course meant that he would be eating more than he would have in his female form. Taking this into consideration Kasumi walked by the now almost full table where everyone was helping themselves to her breakfast, and climbed the stairs.

Nabiki almost always was the last person to wake up in the Tendo household, and she usually was very upset whenever someone deliberately woke her up before she was ready to awaken. However she had left strict instructions the last time that Kasumi had made crepes that she had permission to wake Nabiki up whenever her favorite breakfast food was in danger of being devoured before she had a chance to have any.

Kasumi silently glided down the hall and pausing before Nabiki's door, she quietly knocked right below the duck bearing Nabiki's name. "Nabiki, I know its still early, but I made crepes this morning and I know how much you love them. You'd better hurry up before they are all gone." Kasumi said through the door. In reply she heard a rather unladylike grunt and the sounds of Nabiki getting out of bed. With her mission accomplished, Kasumi turned around and retreated back downstairs.

She took her place at the table, almost immediately presented with empty bowls and plates asking for seconds. As she served the rest of the family, Nabiki made her appearance, slowly trudging down the stairs and sitting down at the table with an audible thump. She blearily looked around and not finding any of the promised crepes still in existence, made an annoyed grunt and began to give everyone in the nearby vicinity a dirty look.

With her customary smile fixed in place Kasumi gracefully rose from the table and after a brief trip to the kitchen reappeared with another plate loaded with crepes as well as a variety of different types of jelly, all known favorites of Nabiki. As she placed the plate in front of her sister, Kasumi was once again assailed by empty plates and bowls asking for a third, and in some cases a fourth portion. She dutifully distributed the food, and knew that she was happy that so many people appreciated her cooking, even if they seldom explicitly said so.

A few minutes later Kasumi finally was able to begin eating her own breakfast, by this time it had long grown cold, but thanks to her skills, even in this state the food was quite pleasant. After Kasumi had the time to have a few bites, Ranma finally took notice of the time and realized that it was quickly approaching the start of school. Akane had already changed into her uniform, so she continued to enjoy her breakfast, while Ranma began to panic and ran upstairs to frantically change outfits.

A few minutes later Nabiki pulled herself away from her beloved breakfast and she too made her way upstairs. Genma taking advantage of his son's absence quickly began to shovel whatever remaining food there was into his mouth, while Soun quietly finished his own repast and began to peruse the paper once more. A few minutes later Akane grew tired of waiting for Ranma to appear, so she too climbed back upstairs.

Shortly thereafter while Kasumi finished her breakfast and began to clear the table, muffled shouting came from the direction of the Saotome's room, followed by a few thumps against the floor. Nabiki came downstairs and breezed out the door, with a quick goodbye for her father. A few minutes later Ranma flew down the stairs with Akane in hot pursuit, both realizing that whatever their differences were, they could be resolved after they arrived at school on time. They quickly disappeared through the door, the usual signal for Genma to stop eating and return to the room he shared with Ranma for an after breakfast nap.

Kasumi began to clean the dishes, the house silent again with the exception of the running tap and the occasional rustle of her father turning a page in the newspaper. Eventually the dishes were once again clean and dried, placed back into their respective cabinets. Kasumi dried her hands with the corner of her apron, and contemplated what she would do next. Of course really she already knew, her routine had been repeated so often that even a slight variation was painful, emotionally not physically of course. Strangely for some reason she could not stand the former type of pain, no matter how much she enjoyed the latter.

Unconsciously following her body's instinct, Kasumi drifted by her father on her way to the laundry room. With a final rustle, Soun set down his paper, and noting the time, stood up and stretched. He still had some time for a casual stroll on his way to the city council, and even if he was late they would never start without him, after all he was the city manager, second only to the mayor.

As such he often found himself using his powers to protect Ranma and the rest of the fighters who often visited Nerima. Soun smiled slightly as he recalled that the upstart Sato was trying to get a neighborhood covenant passed restricting the travel of individuals by rooftop. For the past five months Soun had managed to block his efforts, and he could tell that Sato was finally about worn down and ready to accept whatever the rest of the council decided upon.

Still with a smile, Soun made his way out of the house, as usual without a second thought (perhaps even a first one) concerning his eldest daughter.

Kasumi meanwhile was quickly making her way through the laundry, it only consisted of the clothes that were worn last night so the task was a fairly small one. She had long ago found that by doing the laundry in smaller loads she not only was able to return the clothes to their owners quickly, but was able to create more work for herself to pass the long hours that made up her day.

And so Kasumi quietly passed through her day, gracefully performing one menial task after another, not bothering to stop for lunch since it was just herself after Genma left for his part time job as an assistant in the mid morning. It wasn't like she had done anything strenuous to merit her being hungry, and besides she would just dirty up dishes that would have to be cleaned again.

In the afternoon Nabiki arrived home and quickly secluded herself in her room, as to what exactly she did whenever she was alone, Kasumi had never had the courage to ask. Akane arrived next, quite visibly frustrated over something, muttering under her breath about idiots and their girlfriends. She quickly changed from her school uniform and into her training attire and retreated to the backyard to vent her feelings into very hard objects.

Genma appeared next, followed soon after by a pleased looking Soun. They quickly began to play shogi without paying any attention to the fact that Genma was still a panda.

Taking note of the time, Kasumi quickly finished her final task of the day before dinner, that of cleaning the already sterile floors of the house. She placed her cleaning supplies in the broom closet, and took off her dirty apron, it had a few specks of dust that she had picked up dusting around the house. She quickly replaced it with one of the clean ones she kept stored in the closet.

Kasumi then turned her attention back to the kitchen and began to create dinner. Slightly less than an hour later she was finished and had placed it on the table. She began to call the rest of the people who lived with her to dinner, when suddenly Mousse flew through the wall backwards and crashed into the table. Ranma followed soon after, but his attempt to land a downward kick was thwarted when Mousse pushed off from the table, further ruining the meal, and did a back flip while throwing various dangerous looking objects at Ranma.

While Ranma skillfully deflected or dodged the items Mousse threw at him, Mousse continued to retreat past Kasumi and into the Kitchen. Ranma followed soon after and a loud explosion was heard before plumes of smoke started billowing out of the doorway leading into the kitchen.

Kasumi and the rest of the family were in a state of shock at the abrupt intrusion, and only after a few moments were they able to fully comprehend what they had seen and turned to take in the the destruction wrought by the two martial artists.

Where the sink had been was only now a hole in the wall that the two martial artists had apparently made in order to get out of the house. This was obscured by the smoke that was coming from the remains of the gas stove which seemed to have suffered having its gas-line introduced to a small thrown explosive. The flames being thrown from the gas line did seem to be extremely dangerous, but they brought the small comfort of reducing the visibility in the kitchen, so that the damage looked almost repairable.

Kasumi made a small noise in the back of her throat, and seemed to switch to autopilot. She serenely separated herself from the rest of the crowd at the door to the kitchen and made her way over to the phone where she selected the speed dial button for emergency services. Soon she was having a pleasant discussion with a nice person who assured her that they would dispatch the appropriate emergency responders as quickly as possible.

During the conversation the rest of the family had turned their attention from the kitchen towards the eldest Tendo, seldom had the antics of the martial artist community so drastically impacted her directly, and they were unsure whether she would calmly take it or break down and go on a murderous rampage.

They watched as Kasumi calmly finished her phone call and then selected one of the seats less covered in debris from bodies flying through walls. She had a very strange smile firmly attached to her face, and she wasn't quite sure where she should look. Her gaze jumped to the ruined table, to the smoke billowing out of the remains of the kitchen in an even thicker cloud than before, to the faces of her family, who seemed to be expectantly waiting. Waiting for her to snap, to go off in a rage, venting curses or worse, proving that she was less than perfect, proving that their suspicions that she was too good were right.

Kasumi was determined to deny them any of that kind of satisfaction. She tightened the smile on her face, and stared through one of the undamaged portions of wall, not really focusing on anything. She paid little attention to when the family finally retreated away from the kitchen, owing to the ever increasing smoke. She also did not really notice when the firefighters burst through the door, even though it was in perfect working order and they could have knocked.

If anyone had been looking closely, they might have detected a slight twitch around one of Kasumi's eyes when the firemen ran their hoses through the house, and subsequently discovered that one of them had a very serious leak which resulted in several gallons of water being liberally distributed over the few areas not previously damaged either by direct assault or by the smoke. However no one was, so it went by unnoticed. Kasumi didn't even notice when she had begun to make the motions as if she were washing her hands, even when she began to do them harder and faster, not even when she had accidentally caught the edge of one of her fingernails and pried it back enough to cause blood to start oozing out.

Kasumi had retreated back to a place where she could not feel any pain. She no longer was a part of the rest of the world, there was a layer of plastic, or glass, that created a barrier between it and herself. In reality she was loved, respected, noticed. She wasn't some domestic servant trapped in a place were she had no future. The horrible things happening, the extensive damage, the burning, everything, all of it was as real as something that was on TV. None of it really impacted her. But as usual she would play along like it was really her life, she would humor the other people and pretend that those things had really happened. Tomorrow.

Kasumi was so disharmonized with her environment that she failed to notice that several hours passed. The fire was eventually smothered and the gas line temporarily repaired. The firefighters left, leaving massive puddles of water and muddy, sooty, footprints and smears along the walls. Ranma had eventually reappeared, glowing in his triumph and unmatched superiority. He had appeared somewhat concerned with the extensive damage to the house, but had good naturedly under estimated the extent of the damage and assumed that it would be easily repairable, and would magically become fixed by the time he woke up, almost like a manga.

The rest of the family had tied to clean up a little of the mess the broken table had made, but they made little headway before deciding that it was too late, and the mess would still be there in the morning. So they had each gone their separate ways towards bed.

Soun had paused on his way up the stairs and had said something to Kasumi about how she should just try and go to bed. Automatic pilot Kasumi had replied with some stock phrase that didn't mean anything. Convinced that his daughter was handling the situation with her usual calm and collectedness, Soun soon joined the rest of the house's inhabitants in slumber.

Eventually however Kasumi did return to herself and realize that her surroundings while not directly connected with her, did have an impact on her. She knew that realistically nothing in this fake world could touch her, hurt her, or have any impact on her reality, but somehow it still got through and manipulated her emotions.

Kasumi was sad. This would be similar to saying the surface of the sun is warm. Kasumi was very sad, she was ... well language can only convey concepts understandable by mankind, and the depths of Kasumi's depression evaded this.

She knew that if she were allowed to live in the real world, she could never possibly feel this way. But somehow this fake world, twisted everything up, it distorted everything, until even her feelings where twisted and sick things.

In a flash of insight, Kasumi realized that as long as she stayed in this fake world, then her feelings would only continue to be twisted, further and further, until she became someone unrecognizable to herself. With a cold detachment, Kasumi momentarily stepped outside of her situation and examined it closely. She knew what she had to do.

* * *

Kasumi quietly opened the door to the bathroom, not bothering to flip the unoccupied sign since she knew that no one would be awake at this hour for it to matter anyway.

She slowly walked over to the furo and after stopping the drain, twisted the hot water tap. She watched the steam rise from the water rushing out of the faucet for a moment, then turned back towards the door where she began to disrobe. She piled her clothes neatly in a small stack near the door, quietly withdrawing a small box from the pocket of her dress as she folded it.

Completely nude she sedately walked back to the still filling furo and placed the small box on the edge of the porcelain. She then sat down on the little stool and began to rub soap into the washcloth left on a hook near the shower controls. She slowly and smoothly ran the cloth over her body, making sure to clean every part of her. Soon her curves were glistening with soapy and sudsy water. She barely felt the rough cloth as it passed over her more sensitive areas, she was completely focused on what was to come.

Eventually Kasumi knew that the furo was just about full from the sound of the water echoing around the room. Replacing the cloth on the hook, Kasumi turned on the shower head and let the cold water run over her, rinsing the soap off. The cold water caused her nipples to harden, but even this escaped her notice.

Kasumi quickly turned off the shower after rinsing the last of the soap out of her eyes, then turned to the furo. She shut off the water and suddenly the bathroom was plunged into silence. The only sound the occasional drip of the faucet to the furo, sometimes magnified, sometimes echoed by the drip of the shower-head.

She lowered herself into the furo and felt the heat from the water begin to creep into her body. When she came to a stop the water's top fell just below her shoulder-blades, and the bottom of the furo was pleasantly warm against her thighs and buttocks.

Kasumi sighed and relaxed against the back of the furo and let all the stress that she had accumulated slowly drift away with the coldness that had begun to flee from the onslaught of the soothing warm water.

She could feel her muscles, cramped from weeks if not years of work, slowly relax. For the first time that she could remember, Kasumi just let everything go, and suddenly she felt better than she had ever felt.

But she knew that her pleasure could be increased by her little present to herself sitting next to her.

Lazily lifting one eyelid Kasumi guided her hand to the small box next to her head and opening it took out her little friend.

The blade glinted warmly in the light from the fixture overhead, but Kasumi knew that really the metal was quite cold, so she held it in the water for a few minutes to allow it to warm up. After all tonight was all about her and she didn't really want anything to go wrong.

Kasumi reveled in the silence as she waited, the occasional creak as the house settled, or the occasional crash as another weakened section of masonry collapsed under its own weight, countered by the soft regular splash of the dripping faucet.

Eventually deciding that the blade was warm enough, Kasumi opened bother her eyes and sat up straighter in the furo. A small wave raced out from her movement and was reflected back by the wall of the furo, creating a quiet little splash, which was quickly stilled, the silence once again reigning.

Kasumi smiled slightly as she reflected that her life was like the quiet little wave, small, unnoticed, and quickly returning to stillness.

She turned her left wrist up to face her, and slowly brought the blade towards it. Kasumi had been studying suicide for quite sometime, so she knew that the best method was to slice parallel to the arm down the artery, but this cut would be different from all the others she had given herself, and the thought of having to cut so deeply, for such a long stretch, with so much precision for some reason made her uneasy.

So Kasumi had decided on a quick and deep slash across her wrist.

Suddenly her heart began to pound in her chest as she began to anticipate the cut. Screwing up her courage Kasumi quickly brought the blade down, and just as quickly stopped. The cut was shallow and off the target.

Kasumi was suddenly afraid that somehow this might hurt a lot more than she thought that it would, so she prepositioned the blade and slowly bore down on it until it broke the skin, but again she lost her nerve and stopped the cut before it could reach her veins.

Kasumi could feel hot tears begin to slip out of her eyes as she asked herself, "Why? Why is this so hard? Why is this any different than any other time?"

She watched as the two cuts on her wrist began to bleed. The blood running down her wrist and into the warm bath water, spreading out and disappearing into a little pink cloud.

Suddenly Kasumi felt another flash of insight, she again realized that there was no possible way that the world she lived in would ever get any better, she knew that she would never stop hurting, she knew... she knew. And that was enough.

Calmly Kasumi once again placed the blade against her wrist, this time further down from the previous two cuts, and without a second thought, as if she had practiced the maneuver many time before, she cleanly sliced her wrist.

Blood began to pour out at an alarming rate, but Kasumi deftly switched the blade to her left hand and made another swipe at her other wrist. This one was much more shallow and only barely nicked the artery, but it would have to do.

Kasumi let the blade slip out of her soon to be lifeless fingers and felt her arms grow heavy in the warm water.

She didn't know why she had been afraid that it would hurt, really the feeling was quite pleasant as the water turned first pink, then red.

Kasumi relaxed her head against the back of the furo and closed her eyes, waiting for the inevitable end.

Instead the door to the bathroom slid open abruptly and Ranma entered. "Man I can't believe that pops spilled some sake on me while he was asleep." The small redhead said. "I am so going to pound him ... tomor ..."

Ranma finally looked up and his eyes met Kasumi's, who had opened them when she had heard the door open.

Kasumi smiled slightly at the shocked Ranma, then closed her eyes again and felt the pull of the warm water overtake her. Soon she felt as if she was floating, gently floating away, into a warm black ocean. The experience was only slightly interrupted as she felt a small tug on her upper body, then someone shouting "Kasumi! No ... can't ... it'll be okay ... no ... no ..." But soon the shouting too faded away.

Soon Kasumi was able to drift away into oblivion, a place where she felt no pain, where she could never hurt.

* * *

The first thing that she knew was wrong, was the fact that she was aware that something was wrong. If she were dead, the she shouldn't be aware of anything right?

So with a sense of foreboding, Kasumi cracked open one of her eyes and was immediately blinded. One of the blinds on the window had been bent and the orange light from a street lamp was streaming through the crack and straight into Kasumi's eye.

She jerked her body to get away from the light and discovered two things, first that she could not move her arms, and second that there was a weight on her left thigh.

Kasumi's eyes quickly adjusted to the ambient light in the room and she found herself lying in a hospital bed with all sorts of wires and tubes running under various sections of her blanket. In the corner under a TV mounted to a way was an attractive young lady in a nurses outfit, softly snoring in a rather uncomfortable chair.

Kasumi then noticed that the weight on her leg had begun to move and she looked down when it groaned. She saw a dark head of hair, and suddenly it occurred to her that she had failed. She was still stuck in the world of pain, the world of hurt, she was still alive.

As the owner of the head began to straighten themselves, only one thing ran through Kasumi's mind. "Shit."


End file.
